It doesnt make sense

It doesnt make sense what happened a year ago. And I think I am more confused now than I was back then. Maybe because it happened so fast and I wanted to be strong for my brother, but now I am confused. I still pray about it constantly. I want for there to be peace so bad in all the hearts that were blessed by one person.

As I sit here, at 5:33 a.m., with a test at 8 that is completely written, that I havent been able to study for because I cant clear my mind for more than 30 minutes, I cant even think of a way to put the words of what I feel.

Because it doesnt make sense.

I wrote this 4 days shy of a year ago.

The past week has been hard on many people from probably all over the world. I know for sure it has been hard on people from the small town of Woodville, TX. My brother, for the most part, grew up in this town. It is a small town, so most everyone knows everyone else. I know that most everyone probably knew Josh Rogers. And I know that Josh Rogers was my brothers best friend. He was the best man in my brothers wedding last August and he did an amazing job at being best man. I believe that the role of being best man goes beyond just the wedding night, or the bachelor party. The best man is always there, he never leaves the side of the groom, and he is the strongest man in your party. He is the first one in line when the groom turns to his boys. And after last Tuesday, he won’t be there for my brother anymore. Josh Rogers was killed last Tuesday by a drunk driver, and let me tell you, it is news that will turn your stomach. It is news that will make you forget how to walk in the middle of the sidewalk in front of Rudder. And it is news that will absolutely break your heart if you knew Josh Rogers.
I never knew Josh well, but I knew that he cared for my brother, and my mom. I knew that he was one of the best soldiers this country will ever have, and that he was a really funny guy. He had a number of military awards and at the tender age of 22 had made rank of Staff Sergeant. He had the dedication and passion that was beyond what anyone could ask. I feel honored to have ever met him.
I have been thinking a lot about Josh and my brother and Woodville and God a lot over this past week. As I have walked around campus, I have noticed the Dogwood trees around Harrington. I find Dogwoods to be absolutely stunning. They make me feel like I am in a fairytale, or Narnia. And this week, they made think a lot of God and Heaven. As I looked at them, I wondered about all the perfect things in Heaven. To me, Dogwood’s come pretty darn close to perfect. Something that I was very glad for and felt very blessed for was that when I walk by or think of these trees, I feel comforted. I felt my heart know that everything was ok, and that although none of us have any clue why this tragedy had to happen and to someone that we all hold so dear, God had everything under control. I never have truly believed in coincidences or accidents or mistakes or anything of the sort. I have to believe in my heart that the Dogwood’s were placed in my path for a reason this week, and that Dogwood’s mean something important to Woodville, and that the people in Woodville mean something important to me.

Tonight, my prayers are with my brother. I hope that he might read my blog and find some kind of comfort and peace through these words. They were written (typed) with him in mind. I am praying that he might be able to find comfort through God also. John 14:27 says, Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
I love you, Bud. I love you a lot.

And for Josh, we all miss you. We will all always miss you. You were the best man to my brother and I am grateful to you for that, forever. I dont know that I am allowed to say this, but I feel it is appropriate…

…Rest easy Soldier, you’re home now.

Josh was a hero to this nation. He was a hero to my brother. There are a million things I forgot to mention in that blog a year ago, like he was also an Army Ranger.

And today he is a guardian Ranger.

Maybe it isnt making sense to me because those trees arent in bloom on campus so I dont have a physical reminder that it all happens for a reason. But either way it wouldnt take the heart ache away.

I have a new picture for my dear blog readers this year.

Maybe it gets easier down the road. Maybe one day we wont think about it as much and just realize that it does all happen for a reason. But until then I will pray as hard as I can for there to be peace in our hearts.

I took this picture on saturday and I was so glad that I was standing behind everyone when I pulled the camera off of my face and check the picture. I love being around military organizations, but it gets hard when you start to think about Josh.

I sat down on the steps that were behind, closed my eyes and bowed my head. As I allowed 3 tears to fall, I prayed. I prayed that our hearts would be calmed and that we would be comforted.

I honestly couldnt think past that.

 

I am still so thankful for the impact of Josh on the heart’s of my family. He is so special to us.

And I still dont know if I am allowed to say this or not but,

…Rest easy Soldier, you’re Home now.

Advertisements

About lindseyshelburne

Lindsey Louise Photography is run by Lindsey Turner! I am located in Copperas Cove, TX. Please email me at lindsey@lindseylouise.com or visit my website, lindseylouise.com for information on a photo session! Thanks!
This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to It doesnt make sense

  1. David says:

    Sweetie, my heart goes out to you and Jarrod. That was beautifully written.

  2. Trena says:

    As I was driving to work this morning, I go thru a neighborhood where the homeowners love this country and fly their flags every morning, but this morning they stood in honor of our sweet Josh Rogers who is missed every single day! My prayers are with his family everyday but today in particular and for Jarrod who loved him like a brother.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s