This week has been up and down. Every day its one or the other, or both a million times a second. I have experience some serious anxiety through this whole thing. And that seems to be the biggest struggle. It has been coming from the silliest and smallest of things. Yesterday it was my sweet puppy dog. Today it was the car radio. I had to turn it off. Songs kept coming on that took me back to some really fun concerts, and it made me sad. I’m not going to lie. Lady A and Jason Aldean can do that to you.
I wake up every morning crying to the Lord “I am so sorry that I am praying this same prayer again this morning but pleaseeeee take the anxiety. Please show me what I am missing because I seem to have forgotten since yesterday. Please be faithful. Please hold me tight, Jesus. Please. Dont let me cry today”
And every day He hears me. I normally cry. I normally still have anxiety. But He is there every. single. day to say “its ok lindsey. cry all you want… but, I have something better”
And oh how He does! Take today for example. Im a freaking fluster because of concerts that I was able to go to and how happy they were! And I am thinking, it will never be the same. Ill never get to go again. AND THEN.. Mama Lovett calls me. And says they have an extra ticket to the Chris Tomlin concert TONIGHT!
Yea, im there.
But wait, there’s more. At the concert was a person who I have always wanted to hear talk, Louie Giglio. And of course, he was amazing. But a woman named Christy Nockels was there. And as soon as she started to sing, my heart went crazy. I used to listen to a cd that had one of her songs on it and it was my favorite song on the whole cd. But, 2 weeks ago, I gave that cd back to its owner. And I have wondered what would replace it.
She would. Through a faithful Lord, I got to see her sing my favorite song in person. And then… I bought her cd and put it in the number 2 slot in my car. Right the other one resided.
Not only was it a small victory for me with the cd but He showed me that if He can take me to a concert (on a day where past concerts are putting anxiety on my heart) and let me praise His name, that He really does have something better.
He loves me. He loves me more than any person on this planet can. He is faithful. And He has something better.
But not just for me. I learned very quickly after the concert that my heart is breaking for the things that break His heart. And I prayed. And I cried. But not for me. For the things that break His heart. I wish that everyone could feel His love and see His faithfulness through these tough times. But I learned that isnt the case.
I know that its late and I so badly wanted to share this with everyone that I could tonight. And it looks like I might just get that chance.. Because the game is still on.
Again.. He is faithful.